Big D & Me: Going Solo

It’s currently 3am and I’m wide awake and not loving life.

I’ve been free of painkillers and all medication except Levothyroxine for twelve days.

I can feel the old me coming back and my mind is a bit of a pickle.

My aches and pains are still going but I seem to have broken the painkiller cycle and I can cope a lot better without painkillers, I think I had built up a huge tolerance and they just weren’t working as well.

(I fell asleep at this point and phone fell between the bed and the wall)

I managed a little sleep and aside from feeling a little like I have a cold coming I feel okay.

The small person woke me up at 6am, and it’s now 7.15am; I’ve made a coffee and put some washing on, now having a little sit down and my mind is feeling a little clearer.

I am not planning on staying completely medication free; I have looked into supplements and natural remedies and have read so much on easing pain and fatigue naturally.

St Johns Wort is the first thing that sprung up initially; it’s a natural remedy that is widely used to treat mild to moderate depression and seems to have mixed results but I’m keen to try it.  As with anything, I’m not a medical professional and it can interact with quite a lot of medication, so always seek help if you are unsure.  It affects contraceptives so be very careful!

Turmeric is another slightly lesser known supplement that a friend suggested to me to help with aches and pains and general inflammation; it is thought that it contains Curcumin which helps a number of things.  I looked into supplements and figured why not just add a little dry Turmeric to my morning coffee – which I did and despite my concerns of drinking what would taste like watery Korma, it was fine and gave a little spice to it I quite enjoyed.

Magnesium seems to be another interesting one; a deficiency is hard to pick up but can cause insomnia, fatigue, muscle cramps and chronic pain. Worth a go for sure.

So I’m off to buy the St Johns Wort and Magnesium today and I’m also trying to eat a little cleaner; I’m also on planning doing a little daily workout – just ten minutes of anything that gets my heart rate up and gets me moving.

I have an assessment with a new counselling service on Monday and I’m really hoping that plus a combination of the above will make me feel better.

Depression(Big D) wise I’m keeping it at bay.  The bad thoughts are creeping in a little but I’m managing to fight them off.

“I’ll just stay in bed” “I’m so fat” “You repulse people” “No one wants to know you” “Maybe you would be better off running away” “You should feel guilty eating, look at you” “Worry worry worry”

Not listening, it’s the illness in my head.  I can do this, I can beat it.

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