I’ve now had a full three weeks taking my new anti depressants and I wanted to write a quick update as to how I am feeling.
I was really apprehensive about taking Duloxetine(brand name Cymbalta) due to reading too many horror stories and getting sucked into Dr Google; however I have noticed some really positive changes and I’m hoping they continue.
So I will start with the positives:
- my mood has improved. I feel much better in myself and I feel a little glimmer of my old happy self coming through.
- I’m not hypersensitive. I described previously how I can’t cope with extremes of emotions, such as remembering a happy memory or hearing a favourite song – prior to now I would burst into tears. I am finding my emotions a lot more stable and I’ve not cried in nearly two weeks.
- I feel pure love. I look at William and my heart could burst. Obviously I knew I loved him, but I felt totally numb before now.
- aches and pains have reduced. My aches and pains have reduced – I noticed last week walking up a hill of doom I wasn’t in pain for the first time in many years.
And the negatives so far:
- weird dreams. Like mental weird ones where I star in well known TV programmes or go on dates with celebrities. Not sure how negative this is, to be fair…
- unstable appetite. Some days I can’t eat and I’m not hungry. Other days I just want to binge non-stop. I am trying to be mindful of what I am eating and listen to my body. I’m trying to drink more too. Water, not wine…
- I’ve lost my mojo. I have no sex drive at all. Zilch. Nada. My poor hubs, I’m hoping it will reappear at some point.
- extreme tiredness. This one I need to discuss with my GP. I am tired all the time – to the extent I appear drunk and I slur my words for the first two hours after I wake up. I struggle to stay awake through the day but I am sleeping well at night. I have cut back on caffeine, so maybe the odd cup will help. Maybe this is how I’m supposed to feel, slightly sleep deprived and mental?
- I wake at 4am every damn day. I have no idea why, and it doesn’t seem to matter what time I fall asleep, I wake at 4am daily. I have ordered myself a super-duper hot pink padded eye mask in case it’s the light that is waking me up.
Looking back at that list it looks like the negatives should outweigh the positives but I’m feeling hugely different and I don’t feel zombied at all. Sertraline and Citalopram made me feel off my tits at times and this medication doesn’t seem to be doing that.
I am however in a really strange mood.
We are in the midst of a heatwave here in the UK and being the typical Brit I feel miserable as sin. Pairing that with post-holiday blues and adjusting to the tablets I feel a little blue and I’ve not been out of the house in three days, and I’m not even sure why, I just feel worn out.
Therapy wise I’m still having weekly sessions which I think is helping. I have a review appointment with my GP in a few days and will see how things go from there.