Get the number one out of your bumhole RIGHT NOW

I could find no better description for this post, it’s about bumholes.

If you are easily offended or a little prude, don’t read on.  To be honest you probably shouldn’t read any of my posts as I have no filter, but ho hum.

I’m still flogging the dead horse that is potty training my two year old.

It’s not going well; the only positive I can take from this experience so far is I’m so glad I paid the ridiculous amount of money I did to scotch-guard my sofa as it’s been pissed on so many times it should resemble a giant smelly sponge.

His eczema has flared up which I think is a reaction to some new nappies and as a result his little man bits are rather sore and he’s not a happy chappy.

I’m a huge believer in simple remedies and I find that fresh air seems to be the best thing for nappy rash and nether-region soreness, so this afternoon are going nappy free in an attempt to try and ease the discomfort.

When I say we, obviously that isn’t me.

So far he has done two big wee-wees on the potty by way of biscuit bribery and my sofa and carpet is unharmed.

Not that it matters to be honest, my poor carpet is ruined, I think only cremation can save it now.

He’s quite happily running around and destroying my house playing and suddenly he produces a wooden number one from his bumhole.

“Don’t put things up your bumhole baby” I said “you will hurt yourself and… well you shouldn’t really do that”

I wasn’t really sure what to say to be honest; it’s not really naughty behaviour but not really something he should be doing.

We carry on watching Mr Bloom and this time he produces a car from his bottom.

‘Car up bum-bum mummy hahaha William funny’

Hmmmm.

Shortly after I think we’ve cracked it(ha) and he seems to have moved on from the back passage fascination.

He climbs onto the sofa and snuggles up to me, I’m nosing on Twitter and not really paying attention, just enjoying snuggles with my little person.

It takes a few minutes for me to realise he is trying to put my finger up his bum.

“No…. right… that is IT.  Mummy will take all your toys away…. everything away… argh just stop putting things up your bum PLEASE.

He smiles sweetly.

“Mummy finger poo smell diiiisGUSTING haha”

Kill me now.

 

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