I’m done – no more doctors

After years of pain and chronic fatigue I finally saw a consultant this morning to discuss my mystery illness.

It did not go well.

I felt my questions were not heard and my symptoms exaggerated to make my ‘morbid obesity’ the reason behind my pain.

Things I was told this morning:

While laughing –  ‘My diagnosis is lazyitis – you are unfit, that is why you have pain’

‘You are morbidly obese and will die young’

‘Your blood tests have shown consistent inflammation but excess fat will do that’

‘Have you considered running?’

Back in January I had an appointment for my lady problems which resulted in me walking out sobbing and humiliated.  The doctor that day told me I would die under a general anaesthetic because I was so fat and had I considered Slimming World.  And then told me to come back when I had a healthy BMI – at the time my BMI was 41 and it has to be 25.

On the bottom of the form back to my GP it said my excess weight was causing my pain and they were discharging me due to obesity.

Mortified.

I swore I would never sit in a room and be fat-shamed by a medical professional again.

And this morning that same thing happened again.  From the chick who took my blood pressure telling me she needed to go and find the special extra large cuff(ouch) to the booking-in clerk telling me she just needed to ring the MRI department to check I wasn’t too overweight for a scan.

How is it okay to say these things and think that I’m okay with it?

I told the doctor today that I was battling binge eating disorder and trying to beat my depression and it was totally ignored.

I had to stand in my underwear and be measured and my joints checked only to have my tummy and hip fat pointed out and how unfit I am.

I totally get that my weight is an issue but I’ve had this pain for years and I know something isn’t right.

How am I supposed to get fit when some days I can barely walk from my sofa to the kitchen?

I had such high hopes for today and I’ve been left feeling worse again.  I’m very down in the dumps and I’ve had some dark thoughts creeping in; life just feels a bit hopeless.

I’ve declined any further appointments going forward, both with my GP and any consultants.

I can’t keep putting myself through this each time, it’s knocking me back and making my eating and depression worse.

I’ve lost all trust in the medical professionals that I’ve seen; I can’t keep going round in circles like this.

Two weeks ago I was told I have Hypermobility, my score was 7/9 and that was the reason my hands were healing slowly, and it is linked to the Raynauds I have been experiencing.  This was backed up by a physiotherapist who gave me exercises and told me how to exercise gently and safely and gave me paperwork to give to the consultant I saw today.

He disregarded it straight away and said it was utter nonsense.

I explained how my legs were very painful and he fixated on my back and said my back was the issue but it was all weight related.

I can’t live like this anymore; if I can’t find a diagnosis or get anyone to understand then it’s down to me to manage my symptoms and try and help myself.

So I joined a gym today.  There is a lovely gym near me that has a creche and a ’10 days for £10′ offer on at the moment and my induction is Saturday.

I’m going to be totally honest with the gym instructor and describe the issues I am having.

I am going to go every day if I have to; if every medical professional says my weight and fitness is the issue then I’ll bloody show them.

In the mean time I refuse to see a doctor, nurse, therapist or anyone.  It’s not beneficial to me, I’m going to have to try and beat this on my own.

 

 

 

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