I used to laugh when people mentioned the terrible twos. I used to smile and think how these beautiful little treasures can be anything but delightful.
Now I laugh, like a mad woman. If anyone says ‘it’s a phase’ ‘oh but he is gorgeous’ ‘oh he is a good boy he could NEVER be naughty’ they are likely to get stabbed repeatedly with a blunt knife.
Today is one of these days:
So hubby came home…and I’ve run away to the bathroom and left hubby with the devil child, grunting instructions on what to do for dinner(leftovers) and scowled as the brat cuddles and kisses daddy when he’s been biting, kicking, punching, and generally doing my head in all day.
Whilst hiding in the bathroom I decided to do a bit of research on the terrible twos, try and find some different methods, and failing that I may have googled ‘gags’ on eBay and been a little freaked out by the results… maybe I’ll just get myself a straight jacket. Or Prosecco. Ok both.
It’s amazing how you have an idea of how you want to parent, things you say you will never do, how easy it will be.
Well, who knew, it’s the biggest fucking challenge in the world.
Me before parenthood: ‘I will never bribe my child’
Me now: ‘If you sit here and let mummy change your bum you can have a lovely biscuit’.
My favourite coping mechanism is counting. I do a lot of counting. Experts say ‘if your darling child is being challenging, take a deep breath and count to ten’.
What this really means is, the child who you yearned for and is the love of your life yet the most vile horrible mean naughty little shite at this moment in time is being an arsehole, take a breath and count to ten. It really works, dissolves the red mist and puts things into perspective. That I am arguing with a two year old about having a wee on the potty and not on Iggle Piggles head. Wow.
For me personally I find sometimes life is relentless and I find myself getting more and more angry which in turn feeds the naughtiness of the small person. It’s like a massive bastard circle of bad shit that can only get worse. Sometimes I think I might actually spontaneously combust with anger. Sometimes I really lose my shit. At first I thought, I’m a bad parent. Now, I know, this is being a parent! (Disclaimer – by lose my shit I mean emotionally. No children or animals are ever hurt. Although I did throw Tombliboo Unn against the wall the other day… don’t judge me)
I’m not by any means telling anyone how to parent, for one, I’m winging it most(well all) of the time. I just have found from pregnancy to now, so much is sugar coated, there is so much nastiness and criticism of how to parent and the perfect parent.
Fuck the haters. Do it your way. If you laugh, cry, swear, and generally lose your shit, you are not alone, everyone does it!