“Only the One?”

We popped into town earlier to do some shopping and the small one was a bloody nightmare.

I balanced the shopping basket on the hood of the buggy and people looked at me like I’d committed murder.

Today is Judgemental Wednesday it seems. Meh.  Zero fucks given.

W is nigh-on surgically attached to a cuddly Po toy and the bloody thing comes everywhere with us.  He chose the supermarket to throw Po at any given opportunity and play up like a vile little monster child.

After a brief shopping trip carried out in smash-and-grab fashion we got to the checkout and he continued on his vile toddler tantrum one-man show.  Kicking, screaming, just VILE.

Did I mention he was being vile?

He was so loud, it was so embarrassing but nothing out of the ordinary for a two year old(I tell myself this on a regular basis whilst rocking back and forth muttering to myself) – I ignored him and everyone stared at me like I had six heads.

The checkout chick smiled and gave me that ‘I’m with you sister, I’ve been there’ look and was chatting away.

“Have you only got the one?” she said.

“Yes, one’s enough for me” I said, through gritted teeth, smiling like I’d had too much botox.

By this point I was trying to avoid complete nuclear meltdown; the small one was so high pitched my ear drums were about to bleed and I was expecting the windows to start shattering any time soon.

I paid and walked ran left the supermarket briskly, adopting the head down/parental walk of shame stance.

I did the usual thing I do when this happens; I walked out, angry, wanting to go and hide, drink copious amounts of wine and cry a little a lot through sheer embarrassment.

And then the conversation replayed in my head.

“Have you only got the one”

This statement pisses me off for a few reasons:

  1. It doesn’t matter if you have one child or twelve; they all behave like little fuckers at times.
  2. I can’t have anymore children; adoption is our only option and although I don’t carry any desire to be pregnant or birth another child ever again, it kind of hurts a little to be reminded that my plumbing is faulty and it can’t happen.
  3. We were told we couldn’t conceive naturally and as much as my kid drives me up the wall he is our little miracle and my whole world.  “Only the one” makes it sound like he is not enough – if fate decides he is to be my only child, my heart will forever be full regardless and I can live with that.
  4. The auto-assumption that once you have one child there is a timer in your body that starts counting down until you have your second child.  But what if you only want one?  Why should people assume you want any more?
  5. It’s unfair to have one child because an only child will end up lonely/spoilt/emotionally scarred because you were too selfish to have another.  I don’t know about you but I was ‘the elder child’ and I don’t think life would have been any different; I was spoilt before and spoilt after my little sister came along.

I’m not upset or offended – it happens all the time – I find as a ‘mum-of-one’ I’m tarred with a brush that means I have an easy life because I ONLY have one child.  And if I tell someone I don’t want and can’t have anymore, they think I’m strange/odd/depressed because as a mother I should want to fill my life with many children.

Moral of the story?  Only you know your mind and your body – if you don’t want another child, it’s okay!

Doesn’t matter if you want one child or twenty(my thoughts are with your poor vagina), do whatever is best for you.

And don’t punch the checkout chick; she was only being nice.

7 thoughts on ““Only the One?”

  1. I have been having similar everywhere I go. Just on the weekend my 2 year old decided to throw herself on the floor in the middle of the cafe and start kicking the chairs because…. I HAVE NO IDEA!!!! I asked but the answer was more screaming so I just ignored her while I felt this awful heat rise from my belly into my face and I started sweating I was so angry and embarrassed 🙁
    As for how many kids you want I agree. Totally up to you and no one should pass any judgement. Thank you for sharing with #StayClassyMama

  2. I’ve done a couple of blogs/vlogs about how it is EASIER with more than 1! I have 3 children and would like more but my partner doesn’t. Zach is turning 1 tomorrow and we have had lots of friends and family around, several asked if we are planning another baby and it really makes me cringe and deflate :(#blogstravaganza

  3. Yes i agree it doesnt matter if you have 1 child or 6 they are hard work and ‘do your head in’ sometimes. Its awful when you feel judged it does seem that as soon as you become a parent it starts, but then i wonder if some of it is in my own head and I become my own worst judge thinking the negative rather than give myself a break that I am trying my best. xx #Blogstravaganza

  4. I’ve come to the conclusion that having one child turns your life upside down and inside out that much, that adding more to the brood doesn’t make that much difference. My life hasn’t been the same since the day my first was born, when number two came along I found myself rolling with the punches, often punches that number one was throwing at me! Thanks so much for sharing with #Blogstravaganza, hope to see you again next week xx

  5. because I have four kids people always feel like they cant complain around me. I get the “well I mean I only have the two…” Listen. One or twenty- this shit will bring you to your knees. Dont try and give me some medal of honor for these kids…I mean its not like I planned them all 😉

    #blogstravaganza

  6. I nearly punched someone who told me that I couldn’t have only the one child as an only wasn’t a child, it was a doll … I’m not particularly proud of this story, but seriously?! Blooming rude!

  7. I totally agree – I ‘only’ have one child, but that doesn’t mean I don’t struggle., especially as she’s entering the terrible twos stage and has discovered the art of screaming. And you never know what people’s circumstances are – some people only have one child by choice, others have one because they have struggled to conceive. #stayclassymama

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