Puddles, an Avocado & Happy Tears

We haven’t been out for a few days.

Big D is being a huge dick at the moment and making life miserable.

I’ve been on Fluoxetine for two weeks and the anxiety is crippling.  I have chest pains, I can’t breathe, can’t sleep, I’m in a terrible state.  Hubbo is at work and this morning I discovered we have no nappies.  I found an old cloth nappy insert and a swim nappy and thought that was going to have to be modified until we got to the shop.

Luckily a quick rummage in every handbag I own came up trumps and I found a lone nappy.

Hallelujah.

Off we plodded to the shop, the weather is vile.  In the words of Peter Kay, “it’s tha’ fine rain… Soaks you through”.

The mancub was staying strapped down in the buggy, at the moment he refuses to have the rain cover over him.  Usually I won’t give in, but he’s now put his foot through three rain dovers and I give up.

Managed to squeeze him into a 12-18mths puddle suit, poor lad was like a board.  

I needed only a few things shopping, milk, nappies, fresh fruit and veg, and some sort of meat for dinner.  I’m trying to be kind to myself, and trying to be organised.

The mancub was his usual cheery self, screaming and playing up rotten, and I figured I just needed to ignore him and get the shopping down as quick as possible.

If any Parent Police read this and judge me based on that last statement, go suck a dick, I’m all for an easy life, leave me alone. ❤️

I knew I had £20 for the bits I needed, I added it all up, it was around £18, all was good.

I am feeling fuzzy.  My eyes are blurry, heart racing, anxiety is coming back.  Shit.

I get to the checkout and I just want to run, people are chatting to me, asking me about the mancub, I feel like I’m drunk, I can’t handle it, I need to get out.

The checkout chick was talking to the mancub, and I’m not sure if she could sense I wasn’t alright, I felt like I was off my tits.

Shopping packed, total comes up.

£21.42.

Fuck.  How did I get that wrong?

It’s ok, I tell myself.  Deep breath, chill.  I tell the chick to take my avocado and drink off, I’m short and have miscounted.  I’m not upset, I’ve miscounted, I just want to be discreet and get out.

She says it’s ok.  She takes them off and then puts them back in my bag.

Whoa.  Hang on checkout chick.  I tell her to take them off.

She winks at me, and says not to worry, and asks me for £19.42.

I don’t know how I feel. Feel a little like I’m stealing. Argh.

Lovely elderly lady in the queue behind me offers to pay too.  Eek.

I tear up dammit.  These lovely people have made my day.  Checkout Chick insists, so I pay and leave.

I cried into my cashew nuts on the way home, not because I’m sad, ok maybe I’m a little embarrassed but I am yet again astounded and humbled by such gorgeous lovely people.

These people don’t know me, yet have made my day.  

Big D = -4 points

Faith in humanity = + 4 points.

L⚜️

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