When you stray off plan 

This post is coming to you live from my stupid binge-eater-depression head.

The problem with being depressed, binge eating and being overweight is that I have to lose weight and try and overcome my demons at the same time… and most of the time I find it easy to stick to plan(Slimming World) and I can keep myself on an even keel.

But then moments like tonight happen and it sends me crazy.

I have been ‘good’ all day; I’ve been 100% on plan and all was good.

But I had the major jitters all day about dinner; as I hadn’t prepped anything and I knew when I got home I would have an hour or so to kill while my baked spuds cooked.

I felt so tired and drained when I got home that I figured I’d have a packed of Monster Munch(fuck sake) while I was waiting.

I thought they were six syns.  Turns out I was wrong and they are 10 syns.

I felt so pissed off; I was still in my allowance for the day but I felt out of control and like I’d ruined a days work.

I know I shouldn’t think of food as ‘good’ and ‘bad’ but I can’t help it.

I did have a mini binge – 4 crispbreads with spread, and I felt so annoyed it could have snowballed into sixteen pizzas and a bottle of wine but I managed to stop myself.

But I still can’t shake how it makes me feel – I feel fat, and like a failure.

All because of a sodding packet of Monster Munch.

Lx

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