An update on me & my mental health

I’ve abused my blog and not written an update in a little while so I figured I’d bash some thoughts and feelings out today.

I’ve been on Duloxetine for a while now; quite how long I don’t know as I’m having horrendous memory problems.

This alone is crippling me – I’ve always had a good memory and it’s photographic to an extent but at the moment I can’t remember anything.

I can put a spoon on top of the fridge, walk out of the room and I’ll forget where I’ve put it.

I work Mondays and Tuesdays and I was really mortified on Monday that I couldn’t write simple sequences of numbers or add up correctly – I’ve never been like that.

My GP seems to think it is due to my thyroid being overactive and I hope she is right – I find it all a little soul-destroying and I feel like people think I’m thick!

Tiredness.  Oh my goodness, I’m exhausted.  But it’s more than just tiredness – it’s like every limb is heavy and sometimes I can’t hold my head up.

I can sleep for 8-11 hours and still wake up feeling terrible and needing to sleep.  I can’t get through the day without taking frequent rests and I feel pathetic.

I just remember what the consultant said at the fat-shaming rheumatology appointment and feel stupid – I’m a fat mess and if I could shake the weight I’d feel so much better.

My legs hurt so bad; it’s like growing pains but they hurt and at night make me cry with pain.  The only way to sleep is to take the strong-shit painkillers and knock myself out which isn’t ideal when I have a toddler to look after the next morning.

My skin and hair is greasy.  I look gross.  I feel gross.

Mood wise I feel okay but I don’t feel great – I still have no motivation and most days my mood is low.

So is Duloxetine working for me?

The doctor says I have to give it six months; and so I will.

But I don’t feel overly confident.

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