The #YouHaveToLaughTag – featuring me

I do love a good tag, and especially a funny one.  You Have to Laugh is an awesome website and I just so happen to be a member of their Smile Squad, a collection of freaking awesome and hilarious parents.

As with all tags, there be some rules(that sounds a little pirate-y. Arrrrrrr)…

  • Copy and paste the twelve questions below into your own blog, or if you don’t have a blog, just do it on Facebook. Or the back of your bus ticket.
  • Answer them.
  • At the end of your post, tag at least 3 bloggers/friends who you’d like to fill out the #YouHaveToLaugh tag and let them know!
  • Add two of your very own questions and remove two that you don’t like as much from the original list – it’s all about evolution.
  • Use the badge code at the bottom of this post in your own post so that people can click to see this page and these rules!
  • Let us know when your post is up by tagging us on Twitter with #youhavetolaughtag at @youhave2laugh and we will retweet it. We’ll also link to it below in this very post so your answers could be seen by everyone else in the world who completes the tag! We could be talking literally millions thousands hundreds tens of people!

So, off we go….

1) Fill in the gap: Before I had children I never …knew how scary a wet fart could be.  Or indeed the moment you have to lift your child up to see how far up the back the offending shit has gone. “I think we are safe… we are safe…. ah, fuck, it’s gone up his back”

2) What is the most annoying toy that your child owns or has owned and why?

A Postman Pat SDS helicopter that I once made the mistake of pressing the button and doing a silly dance to the theme tune.  Six months on and I’m still expected to do the dance every damn time.  Dude, I’m your mum, not a performing animal.

3) Would you rather be covered in poo or covered in puke?

Well firstly I would say we need to assume this is meant to be as in your child’s poo or puke and not some weird kinky sex thing(gross)… I can’t deal with puke, it stinks.  Mind you, so does shit, but I’d rather deal with that so it would have to be poo.

4) Is Peppa Pig more annoying than Postman Pat is bad at his job? Discuss.

I will start by saying this ended up being a 1000-word essay on how shit at his job Postman Pat is, I went right off on one.  So, to summarise my hypothesis on the shittest kids TV character, Postman Pat is kind of nostalgic and I find it a little more bearable than Peppa Pig.  I also hate how once a kids TV character is popular you end up caught in a frenzy of buying bits of shitty plastic crap that costs £80 a pop for your child to then ignore after one day.  Especially when they favour the box instead.

5) What time constitutes a lie-in in your house now and how does this compare to your pre-child days?

I’m sorry, what is this ‘lie-in’ of which you speak?  Pre-child I was never a lie-in sort of person, I much preferred a 3pm nap, especially on a Sunday after a mahoosive Roast dinner.  Now I end up dozing on the sofa ‘resting my eyes’ muttering “if you need a wee remember to point your willy down” while my toddler bashes my head in with the toot-toot track.

6) What is your favourite swear word or swear word combo and when was the last time you used it?

I have a potty mouth, and I swear so much I forget what non-swear words are some times.  I love cockwomble, arsewipe, and I call my husband bitch tits(sorry hubs).

7) Tell us your worst ever nappy or potty training experience.

When my small person was maybe three to six months old I took advice from the doctor and gave him a teaspoon of pure orange juice to help with constipation.  Turns out it does the trick nicely, cue explosive bowel evacuation, and major poonarmi.  I put him on the change table at home, cleaned him up and then decided to double check I’d got rid of any poo.  I lifted his legs up, and had a good look.  He sharted.  I had to go to the chemist for eye wash because he shat in my face and got me in the eye.

8) There is no electricity and won’t be for the next week. NONE. After eating the contents of the freezer (assuming you have a gas cooker) what the hell do you do with yourself?

You didn’t mention wine… I’d drink all the wine in the world, and live on it for a week.  It’s grapes and that’s salad right?

9) If you didn’t need the money and didn’t have a little one what would you spend your days doing?

I would write a book.  I’ve always wanted to write short stories of a book, I hope I can one day.  Check me out, serious answer…

10) If squirrels ruled the world, what do you think would be the advantages and disadvantages?

I’d probably go and live at sea like Kevin Costner in Waterworld, I hate squirrels.  Furry little happy fuckers.

11) If you could have anyone round for dinner, alive or dead, which 3 people would you choose? (NB – If you pick a dead person they would be alive during dinner – you wouldn’t just be dining with a corpse. That would be creepy)

Michael Palin, because he has seen the world and would be interesting.  Gino D’acampo, because he could cook and he is hilarious.  And Tom Hardy.  For private time after dinner intellectual conversation.

12) What is your favourite funny blog post ever (your own, or someone else’s)?

I’ll be honest I’ve not read many funny blogs, mainly parental ones and most are serious, I just read everything and anything.  I do however love The Fake Tan Mum over on IG, she keeps it real and is funny.  

Reet… the three people I tag are….

Our Rach Blogs

Mummy of 5 Miracles

Wee Ohana

(If tags ain’t your thang, I apologise 🙂 – this one is good fun though…)

You questions are….

1) Fill in the gap: Before I had children I never …..

2) What is the most annoying toy that your child owns or has owned and why?

3) Would you rather be covered in poo or covered in puke?

4) Is Peppa Pig more annoying than Postman Pat is bad at his job? Discuss.

5) What time constitutes a lie-in in your house now and how does this compare to your pre-child days?

6) What is your favourite swear word or swear word combo and when was the last time you used it?

7) Tell us your worst ever nappy or potty training experience.

8) Name three things you said pre-child that you would like to go back and slap yourself for saying.

9) If you didn’t need the money and didn’t have a little one what would you spend your days doing?

10) If squirrels ruled the world, what do you think would be the advantages and disadvantages?

11) Tell us the worst joke you know.

12) What is your favourite funny blog post ever (your own, or someone else’s)?

Thanks for reading, I can’t wait to read your answers…. toodaloo.

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