Everyone told me how amazing Christmas would be this year, how a two year old knows what’s going on, enjoys it all a lot more, and how much fun it would be.
They fail to mention the terrible twos and how that affects all the festive fun.
Big D is strong this year, I’m exhausted and feeling very very low, it’s hard to explain but I don’t feel myself at all and it’s hard to be ‘normal’.
W has been unbearable these last few days. I feel horrible and guilty for saying that, it’s all supposed to be sunshine and roses.
But it really fucking hasn’t been.
Please don’t judge or think I’m being mean – my son is my world and I love him so much I think I could be sick sometimes, but this phase he is in at the moment is making life so fucking hard.
Yesterday he was so overwhelmed, too many presents and too much spoiling. And some of the worst behaviour I have ever seen from him.
Biting, kicking, screaming, not sharing, not listening – the list goes on.
I am so proud of him at times I feel like I’m going to burst, he can be so kind, caring, affectionate and well behaved. But always with the good is the horrendous shitty days and weeks where everything is a struggle.
You always expect when you have a baby, that you will be some sort of natural earth mum.
That you will never shout, never bribe, never totally lose your shit.
That it will be so natural and easy, how you will gracefully birth a baby from your vajojo and naturally breastfeed until the age of 1, or 6, or 42…
The biggest stinker for me?
“The first time you see your baby you will feel this huge rush of love, and you will have an instant bond”.
Nope, just one huge fucking struggle and the biggest challenge in the world.
Don’t get me wrong, I would never regret having W, that little muffin is my best friend, and my absolute everything.
But every step has been so hard.
I have always been maternal and never doubted that I’m meant to be a mum, but it is the hardest job in the world, and dreadfully stressful at times.
My advice to anyone? IT IS OK TO BE NOT OK.
I wish someone had been frank and honest and told me how hard parenthood is, and told me how normal it is!
Love your kids, enjoy your kids, and don’t feel bad/guilty/upset when times are vile and really fucking hard going. You are not alone!
Off to inflict the brat on my parents today, hoping they may offer to keep him for a week.
Happy Boxing Day! ?