Dear Diary… Weds 15th February 2017

I’ve never been very good at keeping a diary; mainly because I get so tired I always fall asleep and miss a day and then get OCD that I have a blank page.

But I do really find that writing things down makes me feel better and helps untangle my mind, so I figured I would start a new series that I can post to as little or as much as I like.

My reasons for this?

  1. As above, helps mind, and is good for the soul.
  2. I may find others who feel the same and it’s great to not feel alone.
  3. Although I work two days a week mum life can be bloody boring and lonely.  I type this as the mancub is playing with toys, my washing machine is whirring away and I have a sinkful of dishes.  I’d kill for a latte and a giggle with a friend but instead I’m at home, fed up and lonely.

One of my must-read books is “The Diary of a Young Girl” which was written by Anne Frank.  I re-read it on a regular basis and I loved her writing style and her spirit.  Her life was tragically cut short when she succumbed to Typhus in a concentration camp shortly before liberation, and she can’t have had an easy or pleasant life; growing up in increasing conflict and then being confined to a hiding place whilst becoming a woman and discovering the facts of life and questioning her own sexuality.

I have read quite a few different editions but I would recommend the definitive edition; which is the full version with no bits removed.  Miep Gies, a family friend who had helped the family in hiding had recovered Anne’s diary and kept it for her return, but unfortunately this was not to be.  Until fairly recently the book had large sections removed; which were things deemed to be too personal by Anne’s father Otto who had survived the holocaust and went on to publish her diaries.  The sections included in the definitive edition are crucial to understanding more about Anne and her frustrations and they also give a true insight into her innermost thoughts and feelings.

Anne wrote her diary as a series of letters to a friend she called “Kitty”.  Every entry was started with “Dear Kitty” and her words seem to flow as she told Kitty all her daily events, feelings and secrets.

So, my darling blog, you have become my outlet and therefore, my diary…

dear diary logo

Dear Diary,

It’s a cold, miserable February day; I’m tired, I ache like hell and I’m hungry.

The small one was up at 6am, its now 1pm and he’s vile.  He can’t decide if he wants to go to sleep or not but is exhausted.  A small part of me hopes he drops off so I can collapse on the sofa and sleep for a while.  Make that a large part of me actually.

I had big plans for today – we were going to go for a walk; maybe go to the shops; and get out in the fresh air.

And then I woke up silly early(thanks the mancub) and from that first step I knew we were indoors for the day.

Every part of me HURTS.  Lifting my arms up to scrape my hair back hurts like mad, let alone walking up the stairs.

Ok, never mind.  Lets stay in today.

I feel proper lonely.  Work was rubbish yesterday and I’m a depressed-anxious-run down-hormonal combo.  Days like today I don’t want to adult; I don’t want to do anything.

I just want to sleep all day.

I’m still off the painkillers.  It’s been about five days now.  I’ve used a little deep heat cream but nothing oral(*snigger*).

Tomorrow will be better.  I will sleep better tonight, we will go out tomorrow.

Maybe I just need the damn painkillers…

Thank you for listening Diary, I think we will become the best of friends.

Lisa xx

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