Tuesday 14th August 2018
Dear sodding Diary,
Today started with the decision to step on the scales and weigh myself. And it was horrific.
16 stones and 10 pounds. Jesus. I weighed 15st 10lbs when we went on holiday on the 9th June. I’ve put on a stone in two months.
Apparantly the Benepali injections aren’t to blame but the Amitriptyline I take for migraine prevention is. Plus I’m a pig – that’s the biggest issue.
Anyways I didn’t want this to be a huge fatty-bom-bom rant; I did that the other day – today was a kind of weird day.
We woke up at 6am, hubs went to work and we went downstairs, made a cup of tea, sat and watched Thomas & Friends. All fairly normal, to be honest.
But I felt really strange. Really, well, lonely.
I changed job six weeks ago meaning I now work evenings and weekends; I’m always at home and it’s really nice, if not really fucking hard.
Finding a new routine has been really hard – varying degrees of chronic pain mean that I can’t commit to always walking the dog or days out. This morning we had an appointment at 10am which we attended, then drove home. And I wasn’t sure what to do.
There is a certain amount of pressure as a parent, and especially during the summer holidays that you should always be doing something; be it days out, baking cakes or making fairytale castles out of (unused) tampons… or whatever other crafty shit you are supposed to do.
In reality it’s expensive – and I just didn’t want to go out and face the world today.
We had a snack, watched a movie, had lunch, he played with his toys and I did some colouring. And it was really bloody nice.
I decided to go through old photos – hard to believe the little dude was ever this small. How did I ever raise a baby? Night feeds, explosive shits, constant projectile vomiting – it seems like a distant memory.
We then walked the dog, I made the rookie error of agreeing to taking the scooter and therefore it took about an hour to walk(or scoot) 200 yards. Gah.
But all day I’ve felt really lonely and I’m not sure why. I’m not seeing an awful lot of the hubs due to the new work situation, that might be why.
Tomorrow I’m hoping I wake up relatively pain-free and maybe we’ll take a random bus jaunt, take a picnic and go on an adventure. I’ve no idea where – but maybe it will do us good to get out and about.