Today was meant to me a day of many things.
Housework and then maybe soft play – the massive mound of washing, the kitchen, bathroom, strip the beds and all the, well, non important jobs in the grand scheme of things.
But stupid anxiety makes me go crazy over the usual domestic shit. It makes me so unhappy and tense if my house is messy and unclean.
As usual I worked two long days Monday and Tuesday and the house ended up looking like a tip by the time I get a chance to tidy up on Wednesday.
My experience with kids, husbands(I’ve only had/got the one) and pets is that they are pretty bad at tidying up or helping and so I get really put off and I can’t be arsed.
Anyways enough of the babble – I’ve been chasing my tail for days and today I planned to do way too much and set myself up to fail early on.
By 11am I felt poorly and my head was pounding, and I felt bad. Really low, really depressed, and all because we would be going out anywhere, we would have to stay in all day and the day was ruined.
I got miserable and started being negative; the boy started playing up and things went to shit.
All I wanted to do was curl up on the sofa and watch TV.
So that’s exactly why I did.
I needed to rest. What of it?
Instead of shoving PAW Patrol and the usual easy shit on, I decided to watch ‘White Christmas’, a delicious musical from the fifties that always makes me feel better.
And as I started to relax, the boy started chilling out and we were laughing and having lovely snuggles.
I started thinking about how something so simple – snuggles and a movie – is something I used to long for when we were trying for a baby, and I’d forgotten how something so simple makes me so happy.
With social media it’s easy to feel like you have to keep up with friends and strangers who go out every day and sometimes it feels like ‘just’ being at home is a negative, I feel like we have to go out everyday.
And so, I decided that today is not a fail, I have to challenge my anxiety and I have to not let it win.
I’ve done three loads of washing, yes – but is that important?
The boy is fed, dressed and happy and that is all that matters.
Maybe every week we need to have a day like this – a lay day of movies and snuggles.