Some weeks we go out every day; I’m super motivated and we go for long walks, feed the ducks, visit people, go to soft play and we are never home.
AndAnd then weeks like this week happen.
I’m exhausted and I can’t bring myself to go out.
Yesterday we went food shopping and that was a huge effort. Today we just have been really lazy.
Its 14:40 and we are both still in our pyjamas. But we are both happy and the mancub is loving it. I just can’t bring myself to go out today, I can’t explain why.
Well, its easy really, every single joint and muscle in my body aches, I have no idea if its my thyroid or the Fibromyalgia/Arthritis/Chronic Fatigue/ME that I am on the cusp of being diagnosed with.
All I do know is I hate feeling this way. I’m dizzy and one of my eyes is blurry. I’m cold, so cold I can’t warm myself up. I’m anxious about everything. I feel on edge and almost like I have the jitters. I don’t understand why I feel this way.
My doctor just says I should take painkillers four times a day to control the pain. That’s great but they upset my tummy constantly and I am thirty one years old, I don’t want to be eating painkillers like I can a tub of Elizabeth Shaw mints.
As I sit here now I know I have to do some washing, I need to tidy the kitchen, need to do my chores. I know I will have to give in and take some tablets and ease the pain enough to do what I need to do. And even if the pain goes away or at least reduces nothing is easing the fatigue.
I’ve completely cut caffeine and drastically reduced my sugar intake, I’m eating as naturally and unprocessed as life allows. But still I feel so awful.
I need to make a doctors appointment but I just can’t face it!
And the guilt, so much guilt. I want to be able to take the little person out and keep him stimulated. I feel like the worst mum ever on days like today.
Years ago a counsellor gave me a technique called The Five Minute Rule.
When you feel ill or poorly or down, you set a timer for five minutes.
So for example, getting washed and dressed when you don’t feel like it.
Set a timer for five minutes. Get washed, dressed, or do anything that you need to do.
Once the timer dings, your five minutes is up.
Want to carry on? Of you go then – set another five minute timer if you like.
Tired and had enough? Doesn’t matter, well done. Be proud – you did your five minutes.
I apply this in every day life, because Big D and feeling poorly stops me wanting to do things ALL.THE.FRIGGING.TIME.
So, I’m off to get dressed. It may be 15:00 but who cares. This five minutes will make me feel a little happier and that’s all good.