Roll up & join the self-pity party

I feel like total and utter shit this morning.

We had plans; I needed to take the car for an MOT and service, do some food shopping and sort the house out.

Instead its 9am and I’m sat on the sofa with a large coffee on the verge of tears, feeling very sorry for myself.

I’m in so much pain.  My legs and arms hurt so bad.  It’s like a really deep painful ache, and its everywhere.

I had trouble sleeping and I woke up completely crippled this morning.  Hubbo had to change and sort the mancub before he left for work.  I’m so stiff and useless.

I visited some friends yesterday and we went for a leisurely walk.  That’s all it was.  Possibly three maybe four miles, if that.

I struggled and I’m feeling it now.  I felt like I was walking on bare exposed bone, the same with my hands pushing the buggy.

It’s soul-destroying, I love to go for a walk every day and be active.

I’m so upset writing this – I apologise if it makes little or no sense.

I popped some mega strong painkillers half an hour ago, they have as yet had no effect.

I’m convinced the fluoxetine I started taking a few months ago is making these pains worse, but my GP says otherwise.

So, that’s me today.  We are staying indoors and resting, as best as a crazy two year old will let me.

I feel so guilty and selfish – I’m happy and apparently healthy, so why this pain?


2 thoughts on “Roll up & join the self-pity party

  1. Stop, stop, stop! Both literally and in the ‘give yourself a break’ sense. Firstly. thank you so much for writing this. You have no idea how much it means to other pain sufferers to be able to read others experiences and know that they are not alone. I am rarely brave enough to mention it on my blog, so I really appreciate your strength in being able to. Secondly, you are an amazing person, because you got up this morning, put your best foot forward and powered through, for the sake of your family. Even if, for you, that means doing less than other people, you still did more than you felt able to, to look after your son and be the best wife and mother you could be. I know you feel crap and guilty, but it’s the illness, not you, that needs a kick in the head. Just keep being you, you’re doing great. You make more effort in just willing yourself to get out of bed when you’re in pain, than many people will do all day, remember that. x

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