So much to say – holiday, grief & injections

Yet again life has been hellish and crazy and I’ve not written anything for a while – it’s been an eventful few weeks for various reasons.

The first and most exciting event to report is I’ve finally started my new medication for my chronic illness – once a week I now inject myself with Benepali(I have a whole post coming up explaining more about it).  I’m needle phobic and was completely terrified but it’s actually not too bad, I’ve now done two injections by myself and the thought of it is actually worse that the injection itself.

Last week we enjoyed an amazing week in Cornwall for our holiday – we did so much and it was lovely to spend time away from home and the stresses of everyday life.  Yet again watch this space – lots of posts planned.

It wasn’t all good – my darling nan has been poorly for a few weeks and sadly passed away on Saturday; luckily after a rushed six-hour drive back from holiday I got the chance to say goodbye.  It has knocked me for six; she was my last living grandparent and three days on I’m not dealing with it particularly well.  Her funeral is in a couple of weeks.

My plan was to really take good care of myself once I started this medication – it’s actively treating my disease(ankylosing spondylitis) and I really want to give it the best chance possible to do what it needs to do.  A nurse from the rheumatology department at my local hospital described it as liquid gold – you mustn’t waste a drop and I really want to let it do what it needs to do.

Unfortunately a week in Cornwall meant eating my body weight in cream teas and chips(oops) and I’ve packed on a whole heap of weight.  The plan was to get home and start afresh but I’m so low and out of sorts I’ve turned to my usual crutch; bad food.

How do I feel physically?  Really bloody shit – I’m tired, achy, wobbly and sluggish; as I always am when my diet goes to shit.  A nurse recommended the keto diet – and I was all geared up to start; but I need to let myself grieve and I need to not heap any more pressure on myself.

I’ve been in turmoil over food – which is completely crazy… but I can’t carry on binge eating and making myself feel worse; so I will be heading back towards the Weight Watchers way of eating but only loosely until I’m feeling better.

So, there you go – that’s me at the moment.  A little bit depressed and quite fat… quite fat and a little bit depressed…


One thought on “So much to say – holiday, grief & injections

  1. My daughter has Ankylosing Sponsylitis as well. I will have to tell her about that medication. I’m sorry about your Nan. My thoughts are with you

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