This post is coming to you live from my stupid binge-eater-depression head.
The problem with being depressed, binge eating and being overweight is that I have to lose weight and try and overcome my demons at the same time… and most of the time I find it easy to stick to plan(Slimming World) and I can keep myself on an even keel.
But then moments like tonight happen and it sends me crazy.
I have been ‘good’ all day; I’ve been 100% on plan and all was good.
But I had the major jitters all day about dinner; as I hadn’t prepped anything and I knew when I got home I would have an hour or so to kill while my baked spuds cooked.
I felt so tired and drained when I got home that I figured I’d have a packed of Monster Munch(fuck sake) while I was waiting.
I thought they were six syns. Turns out I was wrong and they are 10 syns.
I felt so pissed off; I was still in my allowance for the day but I felt out of control and like I’d ruined a days work.
I know I shouldn’t think of food as ‘good’ and ‘bad’ but I can’t help it.
I did have a mini binge – 4 crispbreads with spread, and I felt so annoyed it could have snowballed into sixteen pizzas and a bottle of wine but I managed to stop myself.
But I still can’t shake how it makes me feel – I feel fat, and like a failure.
All because of a sodding packet of Monster Munch.