Stuck in Painsville again

It’s 6pm, I’m in bed.

We went out today, I’ve walked about two miles which is nothing to me.

The pain in my legs and whole body is so bad I can’t even cry, that hurts too.

Doctor says my bloods are normal, so just get on with it.

How can I? I can barely stand, I had to crawl up the last few stairs.

I have a house to run, a job to keep and a son to look after.  Why won’t anyone take me seriously?

After the dreaded consultant fat-shaming a few weeks back I’m scared to speak to anyone, because I just don’t get anywhere.

I will ring the doctor again in the morning.  I’m dreading it already as they will just fob me off again I’m sure.  But this has been going on for years and has been so bad since being pregnant.

When I asked if my thyroid being overactive was causing the tiredness and pain, all I got was “oh I don’t know”.

I’m made to feel like I’m putting it on.

I’m going to try and explain how I feel and what it’s like when I feel bad.

My legs are the worst; it’s like a deep ache through my bones and muscles and it’s so painful. Ache isn’t the best word but it’s like I’ve been hit repeatedly with hockey sticks.

The pain goes up into my lower back and across my c-section scar like someone is cutting me with a knife.

My shoulders, arms, wrists and hands have the same deep painful ache and just have no strength at all.

My head is fuzzy and sore; my face feels hot and my eyes go blurry.  Sometimes my left eye goes so fuzzy I can’t hardly see a thing.

And I’m exhausted.  I literally feel like I could be prodded with a feather and just collapse to the floor and never get up.

Yet when I feel good I can run, walk miles, and have no pain.

I hope I get some help soon, I can’t bear this pain.

Lisa xx

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