Let’s start this post with a quote.
“This time I’m doing it. This time I’m actually going to lose the weight.”
– me, every three weeks for the last ten years.
You only have to search back through my blog to see the, quite frankly embarrassing amounts of posts I’ve written on weight loss over the years. Slimming World, Weight Watchers, shakes, fasting, soup – I’ve tried it all.
Six months to shape up
Five months ago I was told I could really make a difference to my chronic pain if I cleaned up my diet and lost a significant amount of weight. Things started well – I started aiming for foods as unprocessed and natural as possible, I started exercising more and I felt really good. I then visited a nutritionist who, if I’m totally honest, filled my head with rubbish.
So I started cutting out bread, pasta, and all sorts of weird things – and of course I started to crave food and I fell off the wagon. Fast forward to March 2019 I ended up back at Slimming World, where I was totally focused and motivated and was more on plan than I’d ever been.
Unfortunately, after six weeks I’d lost 5lbs and I was struggling to believe in the plan; struggling to believe in being encouraged to have low fat products packed full of artificial crap rather than an avocado.
I then blindly signed up to something else that involved intermittent fasting – something I’d never considered and although initially found okay it has sent me into one of, if not the worst binges of my life.
My body is no temple
For a month I’ve been over eating, bingeing and treating my body like absolute shit. I’m ashamed of myself, for being the worst I have in years and as a result I’m now a stone heavier than I was this time last year and I’m feeling the full effects of eating a bad diet.
I’m tired all the time, I’m not sleeping very well, my migraines are awful, my chronic pain is dreadful and my skin is dull, greasy and spotty. Of course this impacts my mental health – because I feel lousy my mood is low and my anxiety high.
Where to go from here
So where do I go from here? I sat down with a notebook last night and just wrote down a load of stuff in my head. A friend said I need to find my ‘why’ and that’s exactly what I did.
My ‘why’ is my little man. I want to be fit, healthy and happy for him. Of course weight loss is a huge part of that as unless I lose weight my pain and mental health won’t improve. But I always focus on weight loss and not the bigger picture, which always sets me up to fail.
The poor dog
For example – taking the dog for a walk. I look at dog walks as exercise, something I do to lose weight. But the bigger picture? It’s fresh air, it’s good for the soul and it doesn’t bloody matter how fast or slow I throw myself around that field.
Then I thought a little bit more on this – because it’s something I’ve basically stopped doing because my head sees dog walks as only a diet/weight loss thing. If I don’t walk the dog I’m not fulfilling my role as a responsible pet owner, which is the main point. I sat and thought about the excuses I come up with – usually that I don’t have enough time, yet I know I can make it to the field and back in under half an hour.
I love audio books and podcasts. Why not turn the dog walk into an excuse to listen to one?
And it doesn’t stop there – going back to basics why don’t I leave the car at home and walk to the shop and post office; after all it’s a ten minute walk.
The food issues are a little trickier to address. I had thought about sharing examples of how and what I’ve been eating but I’m too bloody ashamed. The main issues are:
- I’m not drinking any water – just hot chocolate, coffee and diet soda
- I’m eating all junk
- I’m not eating hardly any fruit or vegetables
- My day is a run of about twenty snacks.
People talk about small changes so that is where I’m heading – introducing a couple of small changes every week and adjusting things along the way. This week I’m drinking a small glass of water every time I go into the kitchen; I’m cutting the diet soda back to one a day and I’m reducing my snacks down to two set snacks and three meals a day.
Am I calorie counting? At the moment, no. I’m adjusting to working nights plus going on holiday next week so it would be pointless to set myself goals I can’t acheive but by being mindful of my fluid intake and setting myself meal times I can easily stick to this next week.
And then there is what I’m eating – nothing is off limits and I’m trying to let my body guide me; I’m just trying to focus on reducing the processed food and junk and getting more protein, fruit and vegetables into my body.
The plan? Once I’ve cracked these changes I’ll make some more, and we will see how it goes!
Next week I want to talk about goals – so watch this space 🙂